alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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