I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
