Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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