do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
