But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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