I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
