4 words: hood of his car
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize