Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
