So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
