Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
