My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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