so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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