please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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