you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
