just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
