I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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