I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
