Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
