My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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