Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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