so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
