If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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