I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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