I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
