She is in my trunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
