I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
