My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
