I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The power of my boobs compel you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You ruined the universe
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
