I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
