mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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