Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
