Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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