Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
