A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So many bounce houses so little time
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
