just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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