Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
