The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
