if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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