so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
