i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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