If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
