I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
3 2 1 whiskey
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
