matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
