Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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