Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
