she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
