I wish my penis had an off switch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
