Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
