he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
