You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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