I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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