also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
