would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your cock deserves a montage
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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