Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
