my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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