she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
