Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
