Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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