My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
