remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
