My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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