They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
