Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize