did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
