i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize