the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
