It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he thought i was a dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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