peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
