apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
