I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
