I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
