i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
